Astronomy professor: Please explain the big bang theory.
Me: Our whole universe was in a hot dense state, then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait... the Earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools, we built a wall, we built the pyramids!! Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries, that all started with the big bang! HEY!
Astronomy professor: Wha-
Me: "Since the dawn of man" is really not that long, As every galaxy was formed in less time than it takes to sing this song. A fraction of a second and the elements were made. The bipeds stood up straight, the dinosaurs all met their fate, they tried to leap but they were late. And they all died (they froze their asses off). The oceans and pangea see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya. Set in motion by the same big bang! It all started with the big BANG!
Nobody wants to be my valentine
I feel like Gretchen Weiners… Again.
Reblog if you've ever felt personally victimized...